


Who Let The Dogs Out

by UmbreonGurl



Category: League of Legends
Genre: F/F, Romantic Comedy, ahri is a spoiled rich bitch, dog park au, kai'sa gives people the benefit of the doubt when she really shouldn't, rich bitch redemption arc via hippie hottie thirst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: When Ahri goes to the dog park, it’s in the hopes that getting some energy out might help with Gucci’s behavioral issues. Gucci, ever the gentleman, decides to pee all over a pretty girl’s shoes instead. Ahri takes full advantage.
Relationships: Ahri/Kai'Sa (League of Legends)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 102





	Who Let The Dogs Out

Ahri is well-aware Gucci isn’t well-trained. It’s a fact she’s accepted; she doesn’t have time to train him herself, and even if she paid someone else to do it, she wouldn’t be able to reinforce it well enough for it to stick. Just because she’s accepted it, though, doesn’t make it any more pleasant to have a very noisy, very angry pomeranian in the passenger seat of her car. 

Now that she thinks about it, he probably needs to go potty soon too—she’s pretty sure one of her assistants had last taken him out to pee somewhere around four hours ago. Great. 

A glance at the clock inlaid above the center console tells Ahri she has about an hour and a half until her next appointment. That’s plenty of time to find somewhere for Gucci to go out. 

She spares a brief look over at the dog in question, frowning when she notices him shifting in his seat—a surefire sign he’s feeling frisky. On second thought, he probably needs to run around a bit too. That leaves quite a lot fewer options than any old patch of grass on the side of the road, but there’s luckily a park halfway between the office and one of the studios that should do. 

It has a dog park, which means she can let him run around a bit while she checks her emails, and if she remembers right, they recently opened a new pizza place next-door as well. That means she can probably grab something to eat before she heads back to work. Pizza isn’t always her first choice, but for today, it’ll do.

Ahri pulls into the parking lot and parks her car next to a beat-up old minivan. She’s a bit over the lines, and if anyone had been riding in the passenger side of the van they’re going to have a hard time getting back in, but, hey—that’s not her problem. 

Grabbing Gucci from the passenger seat and tucking him under her arm, Ahri uses her free hand to fumble around in the door for his leash—clipping it on with a triumphant huff once she finds it. Gucci squirms as Ahri shuts the car door behind her, clearly wanting to be set down. Unfortunately, that’s not an option at the moment.

“Not yet, baby boy,” Ahri scolds. “Your paws will get all dirty if I set you down on the asphalt. Can’t have you staining my nice leather seats.” 

The statement does nothing to calm him, and he continues wiggling in Ahri’s arms until the moment she sets him down on the bright white concrete of the sidewalk. It doesn’t take long for him to start tugging on the leash. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going,” Ahri huffs. “Slow down or you’ll choke yourself.” 

Gucci, as usual, doesn’t listen, and pulls on the leash the whole walk over to the fenced-in entrance of the dog park. A few dogs can be seen already running around and playing when they make their way inside, and as soon Ahri unclips the leash from his collar, Gucci takes off. Good. Better for him to get his energy out now than to be whiny all day later.

Pulling out her phone and taking a seat at one of the many benches, Ahri starts answering some emails. She had fully planned to do this until it was time to leave, but someone’s rottweiler seemingly has other ideas, coming over and practically shoving its face into Ahri’s lap. 

Setting her phone aside, Ahri reluctantly pets it, before flipping the tag on the dog’s collar over to read the inscription. The process doesn’t stop its efforts in seeking attention, and it pushes its head further into Ahri’s hands, tail wagging. 

_Saffron_ , the tag reads. She lets the tag go, scrunching up her nose and moving her hand back to scratch behind the dog’s ears. Who the hell names their dog after a spice? 

“I’m so sorry, Saff isn’t bothering you, is she? I swear she’s not normally this pushy with strangers—she just loves attention. Saffron, come. Leave the nice lady alone.” 

The dog pulls back, turning and running off towards who Ahri presumes is her owner. With empty hands, Ahri looks up and meets the friendly gaze of a woman who could have easily walked off the cover of one of her magazines—easy smile, gorgeous shoulders, and most importantly, a _really_ cute accent. Add on the fact that her hair looks like something that would be in a L’Oreal ad and Ahri is _very_ interested.

“She wasn’t bothering me at all, actually,” Ahri tells her, wiping off a small bit of drool on her pants. She makes a mental note to get them dry cleaned later. “She’s rather polite.” 

“Oh.” At that, the woman pauses slightly, before turning her attention back down to her dog, giving it a few pets and making some sort of hand gesture with a small click of her tongue. “Still, I have her trained better than that. She should know better.” 

The dog reads the signal better than Ahri does and quickly sits. 

“Good girl.” Saffron is rewarded for her obedience with a treat before promptly being sent on her way. “Go on and go play with your brother.”

At that, Ahri raises an eyebrow. “You’ve got more than one?”

A nod. “Yup.” The woman lifts her arm and Ahri’s eyes can’t help but follow the movement of her shoulders underneath her tank top. God, she has never been more thankful than now for modern fitness fashion showing so much skin. “The husky over there’s mine too.”

“Oh, wow. Isn’t that… a lot?” Gucci’s small, and he’s a lot to handle on a _good_ day. “I struggle to manage mine, and I’ve only got one.”

“Not really. They’re both pretty easygoing.” And there’s that smile again. Cute. Ahri could almost swoon.

“Which one’s yours?”

“The pomeranian. He’s…” Ahri pauses for a moment, looking around. She’d lost track of Gucci’s whereabouts earlier when she got sucked into a never-ending stream of emails about her new product line. Luckily, he’s easy to find eating something he probably shouldn’t in a pile of leaf litter—maybe some dandelions? Who knows. “Over there,” Ahri says, pointing. “The one in the studded collar.”

“Ah,” comes the response. The woman glances over, but it’s accompanied by a small frown. “You might want to stop him from eating that.”

“Oh, Gucci does that all the time, he’ll be fine.” Ahri shrugs, dismissively waving her hand. “If he throws up later I’ll just have someone clean it up.”

“That’s still not good for him.” The statement comes with the woman crossing her arms across her chest, and wow, she even pouts cute too. 

“Seriously, don’t worry...” Ahri finds herself scrambling to remember her name. Actually, did she even say what it was? “Sorry, I don’t think I ever caught your name?” 

“Kai’Sa. And you are?” A hand is offered out for Ahri to shake. 

Ahri takes it, noting the calluses on Kai’Sa’s fingers as she does. “Ahri.” Kai’Sa’s grip is firm, and her handshake is strong. Clearly the muscles aren’t just for show. Nice.

Ahri waits for some sort of reaction, but receives none, even after throwing on her trademark camera-ready smile. She’ll admit that her pride is a bit wounded by that. Kai’Sa must not know celebrities—which, fine, not everyone is into stuff like that, but Ahri’s face is practically plastered on magazines every other week. Surely Kai’Sa must have seen it at some point at a gas station or something.

A “Nice to meet you” is all Ahri gets in response before Kai’Sa casually turns her gaze away, as if she didn’t have a very pretty, very single celebrity sitting on a park bench right in front of her. Granted, if Kai’Sa didn’t know who she was, she had no way of knowing that latter one, but come on—Ahri is _hot._ A blush or a catch of breath or something would be nice.

“Well, nice meeting you! Sorry again,” Kai’Sa calls over her shoulder as she leads her dog off elsewhere. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Ahri calls back, with a smile faker than whatever monstrosity she had for breakfast that morning. The dog isn’t the thing Kai’Sa should be apologizing for here—no, it’s the fact that she apparently doesn’t have eyes. “Nice meeting you too.”

With an annoyed huff, Ahri turns her attention back towards her emails. There are some requests for alterations which are quickly denied, some inquiries about material suppliers which she decides to deal with later, and she’s halfway through politely yelling at some intern to stop asking so many questions when once again, an accented voice interrupts her train of thought. 

“I’m sorry, you said the pomeranian was yours, right?” 

Ahri looks up, finding Gucci cradled in Kai’Sa’s arms. God, how she wishes she were him. She quickly sets her phone aside.

“Yes, Gucci is mine,” Ahri confirms, exaggeratedly blinking her eyes a few times with a smile in an attempt to look cute. “Why? Want to take him home? He’s such a little charmer, I know. I’d be willing to let you borro—”

Kai’Sa cuts her off. “He peed on my shoes.” 

Oh. Well. That’s not surprising, actually, but still not what she expected. Ahri glances down, and—yikes, Kai’Sa definitely wasn’t kidding. That’s _very_ visible on white sneakers. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Kai’Sa passes Gucci over, and Ahri gives her a grateful nod. “He’s not always very well behaved.”

“I can tell.” Kai’Sa sighs. 

“I’d be happy to replace your shoes, what brand are they?” Ahri looks closer before frowning at the logo displayed on the side of Kai’Sa’s shoes. “Okay, ew. Yeah, no, sorry, I’m not buying you Nikes. That’s okay though, I’ll get you something better.”

“Don’t bother. A nice run through the washing machine and they’ll be good as new.” Kai’Sa runs a hand along the back of her neck sheepishly. “Besides, it’s fine. Not the first time something like this has happened to me.” She shrugs. “Part of the hazards of being a dog owner, I guess.”

“It’s not fine.” Ahri pouts. “Surely there’s some way I can make it up to you. My dog _peed_ on you, for god’s sake. At least let me treat you to lunch. I was going to head to Pizzaworks soon, I’d love it if you joined me.” She layers on a bit of honey in her tone, waiting expectantly for that sweet, sweet yes. 

It never comes. 

“Thanks, but I don’t really eat pizza from places I don’t know well. Gluten allergy.” Huh. Well, at least it’s because of the pizza, not her. That helps lessen the blow slightly. Ahri will have to google what the hell a gluten is later—from what she remembers, it’s something to do with dairy. Probably. Either way, it’s a problem for later. “If you really want to repay me, just… in the future, you might want to work on training Gucci a little better. Not everyone is as forgiving as I am.”

“Of course, of course. I’ll make it my top priority,” Ahri says. She has no intention of actually following through with that, but maybe one of the interns could teach him to sit or something. She’ll make the annoying one who never shuts up do it—fuck, what was his name? Ethan? Ezekiel? Yeah, it was definitely something like that. “Not sure how much good I’ll be at it, though.” She gestures towards Kai’Sa’s shoes with her free hand. “As you can probably tell, I’m not exactly the world’s top dog trainer. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to help me out a little, would you? I promise I’d make it worth your while.”

“Can’t today, I have to go.” Kai’Sa whistles, and both her dogs stop what they’re doing and run over, sitting and neatly waiting as Kai’Sa leans down and puts their leashes on. “I’d recommend looking at some YouTube tutorials—that’s how I learned. There’s a lot of good ones out there, but you might need to look around to find one that works for you. Oh. And treats. Find a brand that works for you and your dog—you’re going to need a lot of them.” 

Ahri can only pout and play with her hair with her free hand. “But what if I need help?”

Kai’Sa pauses, before sighing. “Listen, I wasn’t lying when I said I really can’t stay any longer today. I’ve got an appointment I can’t miss. Try the YouTube videos. If they don’t work, I bring my dogs here after Yoga every Wednesday around now. If I see you around, I can give you some tips.” _You clearly need them,_ goes unsaid.

Ahri can only watch in disbelief as Kai’Sa turns and leaves, her two dogs following obediently on either side of her. She doesn’t even look back once—no longing gazes, no smiles, no nothing—all Ahri gets is a gorgeous view of her backside, which, while _definitely_ nice (especially in those yoga pants), isn’t what she’d wanted. 

Gucci shifts in her arms, as if sensing her irritation, and Ahri sets him down with a huff before going back to her emails. After pressing send on one draft and deleting another, Ahri switches apps to her contacts and presses the one at the top of the favorites tab.

It takes three rings for the person on the other end of the line to pick up, and Ahri doesn’t wait for a greeting, getting right down to business.

“Hey bestie! Two things. One, I’m going to have to cancel our lunch plans for next Wednesday, and two, do you happen to have any extras of anything from your new athletic footwear line lying around? Preferably something in a size ten?”

“Depends on why you need one,” comes the response. “You already owe me for putting a product line together for you on short notice.” Ahri can practically feel Evelynn’s judgemental sneer through the phone.

“And I repaid you for that already, _more_ than generously, actually, you greedy bitch.” Ahri replies, without missing a beat. “Can you get me those shoes by Wednesday or not?”

“For what reason?” 

Out of the corner of her eye, Ahri can see the beat-up minivan she parked next to pull out of the parking lot. She hums. “Nothing important. Just a personal project.” 

Ahri knows Evelynn well enough to know she doesn’t buy it, but even still, several boxes of sneakers end up delivered by one of her assistants to her desk the next morning.

* * *

Ezreal, as it turns out the annoying intern’s name is, doesn’t manage to get Gucci trained before the next Wednesday rolls around. Although—Gucci does sit sometimes now. It usually takes commanding him to sit about five times for him to actually do it, but at the very least it’s progress. 

It doesn’t mean he’s any more well behaved as Ahri picks him up and tries to get his leash on without dropping the shoes she’d bribed Evelynn for. They’re gorgeous, bright white and ostentatious, with a price tag Ahri knows most people would cry at. It’s why they’re perfect. Nothing less than the best to impress, or however the saying goes.

There’s a skip in Ahri’s step as she makes her way over from the parking lot, and it doesn’t take long to spot Kai’Sa among the few people already there—tall, toned, and _oooh_ , a bit sweaty today, what a treat. She doesn’t hesitate to let Gucci loose and make her way over.

Kai’Sa doesn’t see her approach and startles when Ahri calls her name, quickly turning around with widened eyes.

“Hey, Kai’Sa!” Ahri calls, waving with her free hand. “Crazy meeting you here again.” She grins. “It must be fate.” 

Kai’Sa seems far less enthused about their reunion than Ahri is. “Hello, Ahri.”

“Here.” Ahri pulls the shoebox out from under her arm and not-so-gently pushes it into Kai’Sa’s arms. “These are for you.” When Kai’Sa doesn’t respond, Ahri continues. “Y’know. Since Gucci peed on your shoes and all.”

Kai’Sa inspects the shoebox in her hands before glancing back up at Ahri, confused. “I never told you my shoe size,” Kai’Sa says, surprised. “How did you know I was a size ten?”

“I didn’t,” Ahri admits, “I guessed.” Thank god for years in the fashion industry making sure she had a good eye for that kind of thing. Ahri doesn’t know what she’d do if she had been wrong. “Glad to know I was right. Do you like them?”

“Yes, but…” Kai’Sa frowns, shoving the shoebox back towards Ahri. “I can’t accept these.”

Ahri almost wants to gape. Is she crazy? Nobody in their right mind would turn down free designer shoes. “Why not? You like them.”

“For one, my shoes are fine. I washed them and they look good as new again,” Kai’Sa starts, before she’s quickly cut off. “I don’t need—”

“They’re _Nikes_ ,” Ahri huffs, annoyed. “They’re not fine. You might as well be walking around with trash bags on your feet.”

Apparently that isn’t the right thing to say, because Kai’Sa furrows her eyebrows, lips curling into a frown. “These _trash bags_ have served me well. I think I’ll stick with them, thank you.” Her tone is stern, almost offended. “I don’t need your charity.”

Ahri doesn’t budge. “It’s not charity. My dog peed on your shoes. Just take them.” 

“I’m not getting rid of perfectly good shoes just because your dog peed on them once. My own dogs peed on my shoes once when they were puppies, and wow, would you look at that, they’re still okay.” Kai’Sa pinches the bridge of her nose for a brief moment, frustrated. “Listen, I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t need new sneakers.”

Ahri knows a fight she can’t win when she sees one. She pushes the shoebox back into Kai’Sa’s hands. “Just keep the sneakers anyways. I can’t return them.” God knows Evelynn would never let it go if she tried. She’d get all nosy and sniff out the _real_ reason Ahri had wanted the shoes in an instant. Not worth it. 

“How much did they cost?” Kai’Sa asks. “I’ll pay you back.”

Ahri doesn’t process the question at first. “What?” 

“The shoes,” Kai’Sa repeats, insistent, “how much did they cost?” 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I got them for free, hence why I kinda can’t give them back.” Ahri gives Kai’Sa a sheepish smile. “Seriously, just keep them. I already have my own pair and these won’t fit me anyways.”

Kai’Sa pauses for a moment, as if looking for some way to argue, before she relents with a sigh. “Fine. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Ahri smiles, wide and bright. “How about this? If you want to repay me so badly, how about you take me to lunch sometime? Somewhere you can eat—with the whole dairy allergy thing.”

“Gluten,” Kai’Sa corrects, with a slight twitch of an eyebrow. “I have a gluten allergy, not a dairy allergy.”

“Yeah,” Ahri agrees, with a dismissive wave of her hand. “That. You up for it?”

Kai’Sa almost looks like she wants to say no, but her dislike of owing people things must overrule her hesitation, because she eventually agrees. “Sure. I’d be free tomorrow, if that works?”

Jackpot.

“Of course. I’m free then.” Ahri is lying through her teeth on that one—she knows for a fact she has several meetings tomorrow afternoon, but she’s the boss, what she says goes. They’ll either move them if they’re that important or deal without her. “I don’t suppose you’re going to pick me up? Or do you want to text me the details later?”

It’s a very obvious bait for Kai’Sa’s number, but one she still falls for hook, line, and sinker. “I guess texting works?” 

“Great!” Ahri perks up and passes over her phone. “Go ahead and put your number in.”

A few moments later, Ahri’s phone is passed back with a new contact, neatly labeled Kai’Sa—no last name. Bummer, that’s going to make social media stalking her a lot harder. She’d already tried before, and no luck. Oh well. She’ll get her chance for that eventually. All in good time. Patience is key.

It’s exactly why she sends a _hey this is ahri make sure to add me in ur contacts!!!_ immediately. Kai’Sa looks up from her phone, raising an eyebrow.

“Too soon?” Ahri asks. As far as she knows, there isn’t any harm in texting immediately, but who knows—maybe there’s some sort of hippie text etiquette she didn’t know about.

“No, I was just surprised. I pegged you as the type of person who would type with perfect grammar,” Kai’Sa says.

“I can surprise you all sorts of ways, if you give me a little time.” Ahri’s lips curl into a wide grin, almost predatory. 

Kai’Sa shakes her head, either missing the innuendo or purposefully ignoring it. “I’m a bit lacking on time, I’m afraid. The dogs have a vet appointment in thirty, so I’m gonna have to get going soon.”

“Oh.” Ahri visibly deflates, pouting. “But I haven’t even gotten to show you how much progress Gucci’s made yet.”

At that, Kai’Sa looks surprised. “You’ve actually been working on training him?”

Ahri raises her hand and pinches her fingers together. “A little bit.” It’s a complete lie, but Kai’Sa doesn’t have to know that. “I’ve been working on getting him to sit.”

Kai’Sa nods in approval. “A good place to start.” Oh, thank god. Maybe Evan had finally done something right for once. “Try getting him to lie down next. It’s a good next step.”

“Will do!” She won’t be the one doing it, but it’ll get done. Somehow. She’ll make sure of it. 

“Out of curiosity,” Kai’Sa asks, as she whistles her dogs over and puts their leashes on, “what YouTube channel did you end up using?” 

Ahri pauses, before letting loose a litany of bullshit. “Oh, probably not one you’ve ever heard of. It was a super small channel, and it didn’t have a lot of subscribers.” 

“Neat. Mind sending me a link to their stuff? It’s always fun to look at new perspectives.” Kai’Sa smiles, big and genuine, and Ahri almost feels a little guilty for lying.

“Oh. I would, but I don’t remember their name off the top of my head. If I end up remembering it later, I’ll be sure to pass it your way.” 

“Cool. I’d appreciate it.” 

Shoebox in one hand, her dogs’ leashes in the other, Kai’Sa moves to leave, only to hit a dilemma when she has no free hands to open the gate.

“Here,” Ahri offers, stepping in and opening the gate for her, “I got it.”

“Thanks.” Kai’Sa says, with a grateful nod. 

“Of course. Anything for a pretty girl. See you tomorrow?” Ahri winks, preening when Kai’Sa’s cheeks flush slightly for a moment. Seems she’s still got it after all.

“Yeah,” Kai’Sa confirms. “I’ll text you with details tomorrow morning, if that’s okay?”

“Totally fine. I’m very patient.” With that affirmation, Kai’Sa turns and walks to the parking lot, dogs walking beside her.

As Kai’Sa loads her dogs and her shoes into the minivan with ease, Ahri almost thinks she looks like a soccer mom—if a soccer mom had two dogs instead of kids, that is. She drives a minivan, that’s close enough, right?

As Ahri watches Kai’Sa drive off, she takes a seat on a bench, opening her contacts and changing Kai’Sa’s name to _Dog Milf._ (She keeps her actual name in the notes tab just in case she forgets later, but she doubts she will.) She adds a few heart emojis right next to it for good measure—purple, like Kai’Sa’s tank top was the first time she saw her. It’s a nice addition to her favorites tab, Ahri thinks, and it sits quite nicely in its position right underneath _Thotimus Prime._

* * *

She gets a text from Kai’Sa later that night, surprisingly enough. Well—it’s actually technically the next morning, given it’s five A.M., but who in their right mind would be up this early if they hadn’t been pulling an all-nighter? Ahri knows she wouldn’t be otherwise.

She opts for a quick nap after agreeing to meet up a little after one, and wakes up a bit after eleven to a ringing phone. The chorus of some Britney Spears song blaring out into the room makes it obvious who it is. (Evelynn had set the ringtone herself.)

“What,” she hisses, grabbing her phone off the nightstand and bringing it to her ear.

“You missed our meeting this morning,” Evelynn chides, “Don’t _what_ me.”

Oh, right, that _was_ this morning, wasn’t it? Oops.

“My bad. I overslept a bit. Didn’t get to bed ‘til late.” Ahri says, without a hint of guilt. Eve’s stood her up plenty of times before. This is just unintentional payback. 

“I would say don’t worry about it, but honey, I’m more worried about you than the investors. Did you pull another all-nighter?” 

“Yeah,” Ahri admits, sitting up and putting her phone on speaker. “There were some last minute mishaps with the international launch, and given time zones—I had to run damage control pretty late last night.”

“Ah. In that case, you’re forgiven for not showing up.” Evelynn lets out a huff. “But if you don’t show up for lunch today, that’s another story entirely.”

Fuck. She’d forgotten they’d rescheduled for this Thursday—today.

“Yeah, about that.” Ahri chuckles nervously. “I’m gonna have to cancel.”

“What.” Evelynn sounds positively venomous. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Don’t _what_ me,” Ahri says, repeating Evelynn’s words from earlier. “I had meant to tell you yesterday, I just forgot.”

There’s a brief bit of silence on the other end of the line before Evelynn speaks up again. “I’m coming over. You’re clearly not feeling well today. I’ll order takeout.” Her tone leaves no room for argument.

“I’m fine, you dramatic bitch. I just made plans with someone else is all.” Ahri realizes her mistake as soon as the words leave her mouth.

Evelynn locks on like a shark smelling blood in the water. “Oh? And who might that be? Must be someone important for you to cancel on me.” Ahri can hear a car door slam in the background. “And I’m still coming over,” she adds, “I’ll be there in five. Please put some clothes on.”

Ahri sighs. Once Evelynn sets her mind to something, there’s no convincing her otherwise. Pushing herself out of bed, she starts cleaning herself up. “I already have clothes on, and two, it’s not that important. Just some chick I met at the dog park.”

“You don’t go to dog parks,” Evelynn points out, and Ahri can practically feel the judgmental eyebrow raise she’d likely be getting if Evelynn were here in person. “You always said—and I quote: _It’s full of smelly, stinky, inbred mutts who don’t mind their own business and my shoes would get all dirty, Eve_.”

“I still don’t go to dog parks,” Ahri agrees. “And I didn’t want to—Gucci kind of forced my hand. I just… _maybe_ ended up going a few times extra after because there’s a hot girl that apparently goes there on Wednesdays.”

“How big is her ass?” Evelynn asks, casually, as if she was talking about the weather. “Must be a real dumper if it has you willingly going to a dog park just to see her.” 

Ahri almost chokes on her own spit, and she’s about 90% sure the use of the word ‘dumper’ is to mock her. “I’m sorry?”

“I know you. Her ass is big, isn’t it? Let me guess—hippie or a nerd, probably too nice for you, maybe even some muscles too, because you’ve always had a thing for girls who could push you around if they wanted to.” Evelynn hums, as if searching for something else to add. “Bonus points if she said the words “good girl” in front of you to her dog or told you “no.” Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”

“You’re such a bitch.” Ahri huffs, as she throws on a blouse.

“A bitch who is entirely right and going to be at your door any minute. Go unlock it.” 

“Give me one moment and I will. You’re not even here yet, there’s no rush.” As if to prove Ahri wrong, the doorbell chimes. Quickly making her way over, Ahri scowls when she opens the door and Evelynn hangs up the phone and walks in like she owns the place, heels clacking on tile. “You said you’d be here in five.”

“I would have been, if I followed the speed limit. I didn’t, so I’m here now. What a treat for you, no?” Evelynn shrugs, making her way into the kitchen and scrounging around until she finds a wine glass.

“Really?” Ahri crosses her arms over her chest. “It’s like,” she checks the time on her phone, “eleven, isn’t that a bit early for wine?”

“It’s never too early for wine—especially considering I’ve just found out the woman who is supposed to be my _best friend_ has been lying to me.” Evelynn pauses, as she reaches for a second glass. “You want any?”

“No,” Ahri huffs. “And I haven’t been lying to you.”

“Your loss.” Evelynn shrugs, closing the cabinet and making her way over to the wine fridge. Most of what’s in there is Evelynn’s, so it doesn’t take her long to find a bottle she likes. “And if you weren’t lying, that means you’re telling me your little personal project you so _desperately_ needed my sneakers for wasn’t dog park girl?”

“No, it was, but I wasn’t lying. She _is_ a personal project—” Ahri stops when she’s interrupted by the pop of a wine cork.

“Go on,” Evelynn says. “Don’t stop on my account.”

“Anyways. She’s hot— _smoking_ hot, actually—but Gucci peed on her shoes. I wanted to try to, y’know, schmooze her up a bit with some new ones, but it was so hard to get her to even accept them. For the life of me, I swear nothing I’ve tried works.” Ahri lets out an exaggerated sigh. “I don’t even think she knows who I am. I told her my name, but she didn’t react to it. Or to me. Which—ugh.”

Evelynn takes a sip of her wine with a knowing smirk. “So she _did_ tell you no. Not directly, but she’s not treating you like the queen of the world just for existing. I see. No wonder you’re so interested.”

“I’m not interested in her just because she told me no,” Ahri protests.

Evelynn swirls her wine around in her glass with a neutral expression, clearly not buying it. “What’s the name of her dog, then?”

“She has two dogs, actually,” Ahri corrects, preening at the way Evelynn legitimately looks surprised. “The rottweiler’s name is Saffron, and I don’t think she ever introduced me to the husky. But she’s got one. She pointed it out to me when we met.”

“Well I’ll be damned.” Evelynn shakes her head. “I never thought I’d see the day. You still can’t remember the name of the intern boy who’s been getting you coffee for months, but you can remember the name of some hot girl’s pet at the flip of a hat.”

“Okay, first of all, I know Elliot’s name just fine, and second of all, of course I remember Kai’Sa’s dog’s name, Eve. I can remember information quite well if it’s attached to someone pretty.” 

Ahri snatches the wine glass out of Evelynn’s hands. “Give me that.”

“I did ask you if you wanted some, you know,” Evelynn says, lips curling upward slightly, amused. “I could have poured you a glass.”

“I didn’t want it then. I changed my mind,” Ahri tells her, downing it like a cheap beer at a frat party. She’s well aware it’s a waste to chug good—and _expensive_ —wine, but she doesn’t care. She can buy more later. “Talking to you tries my patience.” 

Ahri hands the now empty wine glass back over and Evelynn takes it, pouring herself a new glass. “Trust me, darling,” she says, taking a large swig of her drink with a small snort. “The feeling’s mutual.” 

* * *

Ahri plugs in the address Kai’Sa had sent her on her maps app soon after Evelynn leaves, and it leads her to some little hole-in-the-wall pizza joint she’s never heard of about twenty minutes away from her place.

The place itself doesn’t look big, sandwiched between a hair salon and a dry cleaner’s, but upon opening Shurima Pizza’s door and walking in, it feels far bigger on the inside. The smell of fresh pizza and the spread-out dining area make it feel homely—or whatever the word is for cheap but cute. 

The girl standing at the front counter glances up at the sound of the bell signalling a customer entering, looking around before her focus settles on Ahri. She’s scruffy-looking, with a flour-stained apron and a sloppy two-toned ponytail, but the way she glances Ahri up and down and frowns makes Ahri almost feel like the sloppy one here—if sloppy were even possible in a pantsuit that probably cost more than this entire building’s rent.

“You Ahri?” she asks, with a low, judgemental hum.

Ahri straightens her purse on her shoulder, putting on a charming smile. “I am,” she confirms. “Why? You a fan?”

“Not particularly.” She shrugs. “You’re a few minutes late. Kai’Sa’s waiting for you at a table in the back corner.” She raises a hand to point over to the table. 

Well that’s rude. Ahri frowns, making her way past the front counter girl to find Kai’Sa sitting exactly where Ahri had been told she would be. Clad in yoga pants and a muscle tank, she looks perfectly at home. It’s a shame Kai’Sa doesn’t seem fond of accepting gifts. She’d look rather fetching in custom-tailored Armani.

“Hey gorgeous,” Ahri says, as she takes a seat across from her. “How are you today?”

“Fine.” Comes the response. “You?” No flirting back? That just won’t do. 

“Mmm. Had an annoying meeting this morning, but it’s way better now that I’m here with you.” Leaning forward over the table and resting her chin on her hand, Ahri smiles. “I’m so glad you’re treating me to lunch today. This place is so… cute.”

“Mmm.” Kai’Sa hums, grabbing her menu and looking it over. “The food here’s good. And everything’s gluten-free.” Oh. That makes sense. It’s no wonder she picked this place, then. “It’s hard to find a place I can eat anything I want on the menu, so I come here a lot. Sorry if it’s not to your tastes.”

“Oh, no, no, it’s fine.” Ahri lifts her head up and glances over her own menu. She quickly finds that her previous statement was very much a lie. There isn’t a single thing on here above a hundred dollars. Yikes. “I’m sure it’s wonderful.” She sets the menu down. “Have any recommendations?”

“The pizza’s good.” Kai’Sa pauses for a second, before elaborating. “I mean—of course it’s good, it’s a pizza place after all, but, I really like the crust here. It’s crunchy and has a nice flavor. With gluten-free pizza crust especially, that can be really hard to find. I still haven’t found a place that can really replicate that sort of puffy pastry feel of most normal pizzas, but this is about as good as you can get while staying gluten-free.” When Kai’Sa stops to breathe and she notices Ahri staring, she flushes a little bit, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“No, no, you’re fine.” It’s honestly cute, how excited she gets. Now if only Kai’Sa would put that sort of energy to paying attention to her. “What even is—”

Ahri is interrupted when the front counter girl loudly sets down two waters.

“Um. Is this tap water?” Ahri asks, with a displeased frown.

“Yup.” She puts a hand on her hip. “Something wrong with that?”

“I don’t drink tap water.” 

“Too bad,” comes the reply, completely unsympathetic. “It’s the only kind of water we have.” She turns to Kai’Sa. “I’m assuming you want the usual, Kai, but does your… _friend_ need more time to order?”

Kai’Sa sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “That’d probably be best.”

“Cool.”

Ahri watches in disbelief as the girl casually walks off towards the kitchen. “Well, that was rude.”

“Sorry about her. Akali’s a bit overprotective.” Kai’Sa shakes her head. “We grew up together, and she’s…” Kai’Sa hesitates, looking for the right words, “not exactly fond of the idea of me spending more time with you after what I told her about you.”

Ahri perks up with a smug grin. “You’ve been talking about me? I’m flattered.” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger absentmindedly. “So what’s gluten, anyways?”

“It’s a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley,” Kai’Sa tells her, eyes lighting up, excited. “It’s why I can’t eat pizza at most places. Most pizza is wheat based. If I had to guess, it’s because gluten has a rather unique stretchy property it adds to most baked goods. It’s something that’s really hard to get otherwise.” 

“Oh,” Ahri says, confused, with a slight tilt of her head, “so it’s not in milk then?”

“No,” Kai’Sa confirms, exasperated, “it’s not in milk.”

“I see.” Ahri reaches for her water glass, sniffing it before cringing and taking a hesitant sip. Kai’Sa raises an eyebrow, but otherwise doesn’t comment. After deeming it safe to drink, Ahri takes a larger gulp. “So what do you do for fun?”

“Hmm… I like to go hiking with my dogs when I get the chance. And Yoga. I teach part-time at a small studio.”

“Yoga?” At that, Ahri leans in, interested. “You must be quite flexible then.”

Kai’Sa chuckles. “You could say that. And you? What do you do for fun?”

“I like—” Ahri freezes for a moment, running through a mental list of answers, desperately searching for anything acceptable. ‘I mostly work all the time’, isn’t going to fly, and ‘getting blackout drunk with my friend’ won’t work either. If she phrases that latter one better, though… “—clubbing with friends occasionally.” 

“Mmm.” Kai’Sa hums. “I never was one for parties or clubs. Too crowded, and the lights and loud music always got a bit too overwhelming.”

“Oh.” Fuck, okay, scratch that, new plan. She’ll need to try something else. She finds herself running low on options, so defaults to old faithful: if in doubt, lie. “I like spending time with Gucci. He _loves_ attention.”

“I get that.” Kai’Sa chuckles. “Both of my dogs are little attention hogs. Barley especially.”

Ahri raises an eyebrow. “You can’t eat gluten and named your dog _Barley?”_

“Ironic, I know. I got him before I got diagnosed with Celiac,” Kai’Sa explains. “Who knew, right?”

“Celiac?” Ahri twirls her straw around in her drink, glancing down at it with a small frown before taking another sip. “What’s that?”

“Celiac disease. It’s—“ Kai’Sa looks like she wants to explain, but stops when she notices Akali heading back their way. “I’ll explain later, but long story short, it’s the reason why I can’t have gluten.”

“You ready to order?” Akali asks, crossing her hands across her chest. “Or does miss _I don’t drink tap water_ need more time?”

“I’ll have whatever Kai-Kai is having,” Ahri says with a smile, passing over her menu. Akali purses her lips slightly at the use of the nickname. “She clearly knows this place better than I do, so I’ll trust her judgement.”

Akali turns, raising her hand up to her mouth and shouting. “Yo, Siv! Two meat lover’s!”

“Got it!” comes a call back from the kitchen.

Akali gives Kai’Sa a pointed look and makes some sort of gesture with her hands before leaving with their menus. Kai’Sa pouts slightly before sighing and turning her attention back towards Ahri.

“So,” Ahri says, with a raised eyebrow, “meat lover’s? You had always seemed like a,” Ahri stops herself before she utters the word hippie, “vegetarian or something to me.”

“Ah, no,” Kai’Sa brings her hand up to scratch at the back of her neck, sheepish. “I’m afraid I like pepperoni too much for that.”

“Mmm. And how do you feel about sausage?” Ahri says, voice low and sultry. “Personally, I _love_ it.”

“Eh. Bacon’s better, in my opinion. Some places put way too much spice on the sausage.” And yet again, the subtext behind her statement is ignored. Ahri almost wants to scream. How much more obvious does she need to be for her to get it?

Ahri grits her teeth together. “Ah. How could I slander bacon like that? My bad.” 

Ahri tries a few more innuendos as they wait for food, and every single time, Kai’Sa gives a cut and dry response. Ahri doesn’t know whether it’s intentional or not, but either way, it’s infuriating. She feels like she’s tried just about everything—money, flaunting around the fact she’s a celebrity, good looks, and hinting she wants to lick Kai’Sa’s shoulders like an ice cream cone, and absolutely none of it has worked. 

For the first time in, well—ever, Ahri finds herself completely and legitimately dumbfounded as to how to wrap someone around her finger. But damn, if that doesn’t make Kai’Sa _more_ enticing. Ahri’s never been one to back down from a challenge. It makes the payoff all that much better. Ahri watches and only half-pays attention as Kai’Sa explains the specifics of Celiac disease. Waiting for that payoff, she suspects, is going to be annoying.

Ahri barely touches her food when it arrives, instead choosing to box it up and eat something else later. As petty as it sounds, she’ll admit that lack of interest in her spoiled her appetite.

A check is never brought over, but Kai’Sa insists on paying. Ahri doesn’t argue, even though she _really_ wants to, and soon after finds herself sitting on a conference call in the front seat of her car. She eats half of the pizza mid-meeting, and will reluctantly admit that Kai’Sa was right. For cheap food, it’s pretty good.

Ahri pawns off the rest of her leftovers on Edward the next morning when she hands Gucci over, making a note in her calendar to clear up her schedule for next Wednesday afternoon. Right underneath it, she adds another reminder to have someone pick up something from a gluten-free bakery for that morning.

**Author's Note:**

> kai’sa: *babbles about gluten*  
> ahri, with hearts in her eyes, extremely thirsty: oh i cant not fuck her  
>   
> After like a month heres part 1 of dogpark au :] shahripay evans is a bitch but she’s my favorite bitch can you tell? I have celiac disease so this is half me projecting lmaoooo  
>   
> For snippets, updates on what I'm working on, and a shit ton of art retweets, feel free to check out my [twitter.](https://twitter.com/UmbreonGurl)  
> 


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